Question: Dear Emma, Emma, I am in a committed relationship with a woman now for many years, because I've been divorced, I told her that we would not get married, she was OK with that. Now after several years, it seams as thou she is hoping I will change my mind. I really don't want to, but I also don't want to loose her. In a recent trip back to her home town, she met up with an old boyfriend and wants to go back out there again to see him again. Have I lost her?
D in GB
I don’t know how much you know about women, but our grand prize usually involves marriage and kids, unless you are very rich and she is willing to forego those dreams for a large home and random trips around the world. Women can be very patient. In all likelihood, she has dismissed your claims of not wanting to be married as merely an opinion on the subject.
An “opinion” is something that women believe is flexible and open to interpretation. It is figured that it is only a matter of time before she will let you know what your opinion on the topic is. When she goes to visit her ex-boyfriend, she is subtly letting you know that you are not the only option out there for her. I would guess that she is attempting to prompt you to step up to the plate. The bottom line, however, is communication. Rather than assuming what the other is thinking, it would be healthy to sit down and have an honest conversation. If it is determined that your dreams don’t match, it is time to go down your separate roads rather than waste more time trying to change one another into someone that you are not.
Many times in situations similar to your's, it can all be summed up in a few of Billy Joel's lyrics, “Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in, She just changes her mind.”
Because women are like traffic lights….their minds are always changing and you can never tell if they’re saying stop, go, or slow down. The only thing you can do is buckle up and yield when possible. And when all else fails, jump from the moving car.
